23 Things (Not Necessarily 23 Things)

One of my favorite features in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette was the late Tom Hritz's "Things I Think I Think," a collection of random thoughts. (Second-favorite feature: Peter Leo's quizzes. I don't think he's "late" yet, but his deadline editors would say otherwise.) So, in the spirit of information yearning to be free -- and what better place to release random thought McNuggets than a blog? -- here are my 23 things that aren't necessarily "23 Things."


1. There's a carousel where you can actually grab a brass ring about two hours east of Pittsburgh -- at Knoebel's in Elysburg.
2. If you really, really like a product, don't ever, ever tell me about it. As soon as I decide I like something, it immediately disappears from store shelves. Forever.
3. If newspapers do die off, broadcast will rush to fill the void. You know what that means. Google News will call up nothing but celebrities and panics. And Extreme Severe Weather.
4. Why does somebody else's drying laundry always smell so good? Probably the same reason coffee always tastes better at a restaurant.
5. When was the last time you came across a coupon that didn't expire within two months?
6. If you give a children weird first names, for goodness' sake, give them boring middle names to escape to when they're teenagers.
7. The best way to waste time: failblog.org.
8. Is there a more perfect flower than the lilac? Exquisitely beautiful, ethereally scented, it disappears before you can get sick of it.
9. To the U.S. Postal Service: How about just printing one stamp design? And getting rid of all the stamp-related merchandise?
10. If it weren't for us women, there wouldn't be such word combinations as "summer turtleneck." Or "candle store."
11. Will the new generation's obsession with texting make spelling obsolete?
12. Anyone who doesn't get a little teary-eyed at the end of "The Muppet Movie" should have their DVD checked to make sure they're human.
13. The Nintendo DS version of "Bookworm" flips at 150,000,000,000. After that, the score starts counting backward. Not that I'd know from personal experience.
14. Movie, TV and recording studios: Please stop the remakes. I hate to think of all the wonderful original work we'll never experience because so many resources are being funneled to projects that have been done before. Better.
15. There's nothing worse than a January tomato. Or better than an August one.
16. To whichever drug-store chain started the "Buy one, get one 50% off" business: Just tell us the price.
17. Why does it take gas prices so long to drop, when they spike upward the minute anything happens anywhere in the world?
18. Whoever said heavenly bliss isn't possible on this earth never saw a preschooler with a box of 64 crayons.
19. Every driver should become a pedestrian for a week. The rules of the road mean a lot more when you're the one nearly run over by a left-turn-on-red.
20. Forget roses. The most welcome flower is the first dandelion of spring.
21. You're probably reading too much Victorian literature when you refer to your favorite authors as "Tommy," "Chuck" and "Nate."
22. Why isn't "Schoolhouse Rock" still on TV? Oh yeah, right. That's time that could be sold for commercials.
23. To end, as to begin, with carousel trivia: Every carousel has a "lead," which can be spotted because it's the most ornately carved pony on the ride. (It's always a non-moving "stander" on the outside row.) It's the one the carousel operator would count as it went by to determine how many rotations the carousel had made. Kennywood's is a white pony with a light-turquoise bridle.